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Where In The Fuck Is Oscar Goldman?


May 7, 2006




Mike Clattenburg

Barrie Dunn

Michael Volpe

Karen Wentzell co-producer


Mike Clattenburg

John Paul Tremblay

Robb Wells

Mike Smith

Jonathan Torrens

Iain MacLeod


Ricky (Robb Wells)

Julian (John Paul Tremblay)

Bubbles (Mike Smith)

Jim Lahey (John Dunsworth)

Randy (Patrick Roach)

Lucy (Lucy Decoutere)

Sarah (Sarah Dunsworth)

J-Roc (Jonathan Torrens) (credit only)

Ray (Barrie Dunn)

Cory (Cory Bowles)

Trevor (Michael Jackson)

Trinity (Jeanna Harrison-Steinhart)

Barb Lahey (Shelley Thompson) (credit only)

T (Tyrone Parsons) (credit only)

Guest Stars

Detective Ted Johnson (Jim Swansburg)

Teacher (Corey James)

Farm Lady (Pauline Kaill)


Ricky and Julian try to help Trinity find her lost science project, a chicken she bred named Oscar Goldman

Plot Synopsis[]


Ricky wakes up from a bender and talks about how important it is for him to be a responsible parent, and how he is helping Trinity with her school science project.

Act One[]

Bubbles' Kittyland Love Centre is booming despite the disaster on Channel 10 News. Ricky cannot locate Oscar Goldman in his pen, and asks Bubbles where he went. In an interview Bubbles privately admits that he let the chicken go because he 'couldn't deal with it'. Ricky tells Lucy the news and she is worried that Trinity will fail grade six—Ricky doesn't think this is such a bad thing.

Bubbles, feeling guilty about what he did, asks Julian for help in finding Oscar, but doesn't admit his part in its disappearance. Trevor tells Ricky that he saw a chicken that looks like Oscar Goldman nearby, suggesting they could steal it and replace it and no one would be able to tell the difference.

Ricky takes Trevor to the site of the chicken replacement, but he is caught in the act of stealing it by its owner, and they narrowly escape—without the chicken.

Meanwhile, Bubble, Julian and Cory tell Trinity and Lucy they can't find Oscar Goldman. Bubbles offers to pretend to be Trinity's dad and explain to the teacher what happened, but they agree that Julian is the better candidate.

Act Two[]

At the dump, Ricky asks Ray for help in tracking Oscar Goldman—after a couple of drinks of course. Ricky gets his privates bitten by a snake, and Trevor gets tangled in some extension cords and piss jugs before the three of them set off on the trail.

Back at the park, while Jim Lahey is cataloguing video tapes, Oscar Goldman wanders into his trailer.

Ricky takes Ray to the original location of Oscar Goldman so he can pick up the scent. Ray admits privately in an interview the he has no tracking skills whatsoever—he just did it for the free booze. But he puts on a show, and manages anyway to track the trail right to Lahey's trailer. The group of them capture Lahey inside his trailer until Ricky gets what he wants. Lahey is oblivious and Ricky proceeds to destroy Lahey's kitchen with his bare hands. Only at this point does Bubbles admit that he let Oscar Goldman go—he is terrified of chickens because he was attacked by them during his childhood. Ricky apologizes to Jim, collects the chicken and leaves.

At Trinity's school, Julian, pretending to be Ricky, is unsuccessful in getting an extension for the science project.

Act Three[]

Ricky then arrives at the school with Oscar Goldman. When the teacher still will not agree to grade Trinity's project, Ricky launches into a speech about the importance of life and about how Trinity is smarter than the other kids and how he doesn't want Trinity to fail grade six like him. The teacher agrees to look at the chicken and passes her.

Back at the park Lucy tells Ricky she is impressed with his responsibility and they hook up.



"I've got responsibles now. Growed up, I got kids..."

"Brought the chicken in, and basically I was just hoping to convince the teacher to not failure her grade learnin' and I think I did that."

"This big Lite Brite went off in my head."

"It's about life. Trinity made this lifin' thing, basically, out of this chicken, it started with a little eggy thing, heated up under these incubaker things and it was bornt."

"I mean, we got this project here with volca-no fiend things." (trying to read sign that says "volcanoes friend")

"She took this thing and she made it all growed up into a mint condition chicken..."

"Good luck with your sciency thing, Trin."

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